R.I.C.E. (Relationships Is Challenging Emotionally)

“There’s power in love. There’s power in love to help and heal when nothing else will. There’s power in love to lift up and liberate when nothing else will. There’s power in love to show us to way to live.” This is some of the words from Bishop Michael Curry in where he delivered an inspired sermon at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle wedding last month.

Love is a powerful thing. It brings two people together in a relationship where they cherish one another in where sacrifices for love are made. Interestingly I have written a piece about this before but this was at university so this is actually a sequel.

Relationships can be a whirlwind. One day you want to be in a relationship and be with a partner but one day you think why should I be in a relationship? It’s long and besides I want to enjoy life. Well whatever you think of relationships is something that’s special and exciting. You have weeks of honeymoon with your partner but after it ends, the relationships becomes serious.

Relationships is challenging emotionally and its something you need to be prepared for as not only you are thinking of yourself but thinking of your partner and it’s important to have the right mind set as being in a relationship as its hard work. You will have to compromise with your partner and put time and effort otherwise it causes problems. I know people who have been in relationships hoped that their previous relationships could have last longer but made mistakes in where their partner ended the relationship. I am one of those people in where you feel I could have done more but you know mistakes will help you grow to a better person.

And you being a better person it could help you attract a potential partner as they are drawn to you as they see you polished. If you are attractive to them that’s great but have to be wary as you don’t want to waste your time with the wrong person. Making time and effort with someone in where you are getting to know their likes/dislikes and their aspirations are time consuming and it’s key that you and your potential partner are in the same path. So if you want to make sure you are in the right path ask these questions below:

  1. Do you see yourself in getting married and having kids?
  2. What do you look for in a potential partner?
  3. Do you have a desire to be in a relationship?
  4. What are you are aspirations?

This could be big questions but it’s important to ask and ask early so you can know your ground and if that person is genuine then great. However it’s hard to know whether a person you are dating is genuine or not. They may say all these things to keep you on guard and use you to get something out of you and when they have got it they gone awol. This can be the same for someone who wants to be your friend. A person may not like you but wants to be your friend but use you for their own benefits.

The dating world is tough in where you hoped to be with someone but after dating them for a while they decided they don’t want to progress further in where they giving you hint something could happen but you later found out them just waiting for something better to come along. My dating experiences so far have been full of disappointments and frankly it’s hard to take as the situation keeps reoccurring. I remember at the start of the year I went on a date with a girl. Was a good date and we seems to vibe well. I said I wouldn’t kiss on a first date but the date was so good why not. You think second date is defo on the cards yeah? Days later she didn’t want to see me no more as there was no chemistry. I was baffled. When you date someone in where you like them but they don’t like in that way it’s sad but you can’t expect anyone to like you so you have to keep moving. However when you date a person in where on occasions you put an considerable time and effort for that person in where you hoped to be in a relationship but you have been knocked back, pride can be bruised.

You get rejected and you feel you are not just good enough not for that person but for any person. I feel like this is I’ve been rejected by women and although rejection is part of life when this is a repeat process your confidence and pride is low. Sometimes I feel I just want to retire in dating and not stop pursing women. I told my friends this and they laugh. You will laugh too but this is what I feel because it’s mentally and emotionally draining getting to know someone new and when nothing comes to it, you have to repeat the same process and it’s tiring.

I guess when it comes to dating I am loyal but it could be a flaw as that person I am dating could take advantage of it. You invested a lot and when nothing happens, feelings are hurt. On the other hand, it can be frustrating as with dating you will encounter with time wasters and boy I’ve encounter with many. You think that person you are seeing want to be in a relationship but when it comes to the crunch it isn’t the case. This is why I think you shouldn’t be too invested in that person until you actually in a relationship with that person. You may act and think you are a couple as you do couple things but if you are not official with that person, all of this you are doing is irrelevant and you could be in a situationship. Yes it can hard not wanting to give your all with that person as you really like them but it’s good to guard your heart.

People don’t want to get into a relationship because they want to guard their heart as they don’t want to get hurt and showing your vulnerability to someone. This is normal to feel like this as past experiences can make you feel uneasy and resentful. I get it but don’t let the past damage your future. Don’t let it hinder you to take a chance with someone who feels a connection with. Take a chance. You will never know if you don’t try.

A well-known quote “Some people don’t know what they have until it’s gone.” Don’t be one of those people who may regret their decision weeks, months down the line. But if you do change your mind, don’t be surprised if they don’t want to contact you no more. People are afraid to get hurt but sorry you will get hurt as relationships will have ups and down. This tweet below talks about relationships:

Although I mentioned you shouldn’t let your past hinder your future if you feel you still feel you can’t be in a relationship because you feel you are not ready because of your anxieties, bitterness or something in the past that has triggered you to show anger than it’s best to step back and fix your issues. If you in the relationship and your problems are still there you could have an impact on your partner and he/she could be damaged as well.

Self-love is paramount to any relationship you have with your friends, partner, colleagues, family etc. If you don’t have it, people will see that and they will take advantage. When you have self-love you will feel stronger, happier and wise to make the right decisions in your life. For a relationship it’s important to have the right state of mind to be in a relationship. Be in a relationship because you want to be and not because you have to be. You see your friends being in a relationship and you think to yourself I got to be in so I don’t feel left out. That’s peer pressure. You see people in a relationship or married but act single. If you want to enjoy life, build yourself then be single. It’s the best way.

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#relationships

Relationships is challenging emotionally and hard work but if 2 people are really into each other they will do whatever it takes to make it work. The key to a successful relationship is communication, honestly and also take things slowly. However some people are not honest and instead led on you and play games. They say they don’t want to be in a relationship but frankly it’s more like I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. You can tell in where they give you excuses in why they can’t meet or ignore your calls/whatsapp messages. If they value you, they will make an effort to see you otherwise you are not a priority. They didn’t like you enough, feelings will get hurt and you feel rejected and this is how I am feeling. It is normal to feel disappointed yes but why this has hit the nerve? I guess for me is when I was at high school, I got bullied constantly in where people called me a egghead, ugly and no one didn’t want to be around me and when I get rejected whether it’s relationships, friendships, jobs etc., it reminds me of this. I won’t lie as a Christian it has tested my faith and began to question God. Although rejection is hard, pain is hard but it can be healer and make you grow and I guess that’s why I am writing this blog to express my feelings.

My mum said this to me and I will tell my future kids, “A person who is persistent will achieve success. “ So this wanting to retire, give up and not finding a partner is silly. So this phrase I am feeling I should not let this break me. Never give up on something that means a lot to you. Besides I am not even reached 30 yet. So I’ll continue to press for my life goals, don’t lose hope but also enjoy life.

Social Media Can Be The Death Of Us

It’s remarkable how social media has risen so rapidly. Normally you would have to wait 24 hours or so to find it some information on the TV, newspapers etc. but now it’s accessible in social media feeds so you can get the information beforehand. It’s a platform in how we communicate differently from sending a tweet/direct message on Twitter to posting up videos and pictures on Instagram. Social media has become a big source as it’s a platform in where you talk about topics that’s important in where you can raise awareness but also interact with other people who may have the same interests as yours. It also gives you the opportunity to promote your career, your brand as well in job opportunities. It’s a powerful tool.

However social media is becoming too deep. 5-10 years ago you wouldn’t have to worry about it but now you feel you have to get involved to compete. You feel you would have to say something crazy just to get likes and RTs and as a result new followers.  There’s pressure to be part of social media and be a regular user otherwise you feel out of place. It’s become so influential as it’s accessible to many people. And with celebrities like Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Beyoncé to establish corporate and sports companies like Manchester Utd, Nike and RBS who have many followers who are also using social media, can use Facebook which has 2 billion monthly users around the globe not only to promote their work but possibly influence a lot of people. As well in that you see people with thousands of followers who think they are a ‘social media influencer’ and it’s mad and naïve for people to do something based on what a person says. You may see someone saying if a man has no licence, he has no ambition and for some women will see this and think that’s true and a man seeing this may feel I have to get a licence so a women will consider me. It’s mad what social media can do.

I feel social media can do more harm than good as people are getting way too involved on this. It was just a platform for people to voice their opinions but now it’s mainly negative thoughts as well in also talking about their personal life in where you think it shouldn’t be broadcast for people to see. It has created trolls in where people say malicious comments to upset a lot of people. Journalists who work for the Daily Mail, Tommy Robinson and Katie Hopkins are examples. They say outlandish stuff but it has worked in their favour as they received more attention.

Social Media
#socialmedia #facebook #twitter #instagram #tumblr #snapchat #pinterest #youtube

It has made people feel disengaged as we seek social media for validation. Instagram is an example in where you post a picture in you hope to get 50 likes but you only get 5 likes. Whereas you see a different picture on your friend’s profile and they get 200 likes and you feel annoyed about it. You start preeing their profile and comparing it to their yours and you feel resentful towards that person as you can see why their pictures has huge likes as their lifestyle is better compared to yours. This will result in low self-esteem and in order to have that lifestyle and to be recognised you feel you need to something on social media. However, it can a decision that’s rash and this what social media can imposed on people. People have taken social media seriously and it’s sad.

You may say stuff that was uncalled for and even though you have deleted that comment, the damage is done. Jack Mayward was forced to apologise as the tweets, which prompted allegations of racism and homophobia, were published in the Sun newspaper while Maynard, 23, was in Australia. This promoted him to leave I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. People feel they can entitled to say what they want in social media but if you say unsavoury comments, it could cost your job or even your relationships.

However it’s all not bad as I’ve mentioned previously as you can promote your work, your interests and even reunited with people who you lost touch with. Social media has proven its power in motivating people to action as well as a strong resource to influence social, political and economic policies. It’s key to be mindful on how social media and that it doesn’t control our lives. For me personally I don’t want to use every social media  platform that’s available as I know it will become an addiction and used it as a sole leisure activity rather than going out and socialise with friends. Social media has it’s positive traits but has more downfalls that people realised in where people can experience bullying so it’s important to key an eye on how you view social media is it can be the death of us if we let control us. There’s more to life than social media.

Momentous 2016. Tremendous 2017

Astounding. Unbelievable. Ridiculous. Shocking. That would be some people will be describing 2016. For me I would call the year 2016 momentous as 2016 has been really some year as extraordinary things has happened around the world.

On June 23, the UK had to decide whether we should leave the EU or not. The main issue of this EU referendum  was immigration if we left the EU and economy if we stay in the UK. And when the UK decided that we should leave the EU, there was a shock because it was unexpected as no one was anticipated that the UK people will vote to leave.  But what I do know is this before and after the EU referendum vote it has caused some much division and tension. From what I have seen from social media, friendships have been ended because of this which is sad, people are ashamed to be British but also with that bigotry.  There were protests in London outline the outage of the result in where “some people are calling for a second referendum at such a time in the future”. But what shocked me there’s has been an increase of hate crime since the vote in where Racist or religious abuse incidents recorded by police in England and Wales jumped 41%.

But 6 months after the vote, Brexit is still discussion and with the high court rejecting the decision for the government to trigger Article 50, some people doubt whether Brexit is actually going to happen. However an appeal has been made  to the Supreme Court with a judgement expected in January.

Days after the EU referendum, there was a football tournament Euro 2016 in where England was playing Iceland with a population of over 330,000. England was expecting to beat them but they lost 2-1. England was out of Europe twice in one week. People were ashamed to be British because of the result of EU vote, well it should be aimed at the England players as they delivered a total abject performance.  A low moment and an embarrassment for the country.

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#england #iceland #euro2016 #celebrations #despair #englandoutofeuropetwice

The tournament itself was mediocre in where Portugal won it which I can’t believe it still thinking of it as they are an average team (sorry Portuguese people who are reading this) but they did what they have to do.

But what was remarkable was the US elections in November in 2 unpopular people Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump had to chance to be in the White House. Despite being unpopular, forecasts predicted that Clinton will beat Trump to the White House but like the EU referendum they were wrong as Trump wins the vote. Like many people I was astound as Trump is a racist, misogynist, vile person and it’s clear in the public eye yet people still voted him to be the next POTUS. It’s a sequel to Brexit but the American version as like in the UK, voters from a different class or generation felt they are being left behind so they want to seek an alternative opinion and Trump was the answer in terms of what he saying.

My tweet below shows what I think of this.

We had the celebrity massacre as there were so many celebrity deaths like Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Muhammed Ali, Terry Wogan, Ronnie Corrbet to George Michael who died on Christmas Day and Carrie Fisher who her mother Debbie Andrews died a day later.  And then there were attacks in France, Turkey, Germany and the civil war in Syria which has lasted for over 5 years although ceasefire across Syria appeared to be holding.

2016 has been a dark year but it has been a development year for me as for my Christian faith I’ve been out and about in where I have been in conversations with people I haven’t meet before in where I have given them leaflets to come to my church group on a Sunday in where we have discussions on relationships and God of course. I think without the group I don’t think I would have the confidence to speak to people about Jesus. I am not at the stage in where I’ll be at shopping centres in where I speak aloud about Jesus and not sure if I will do it but what I am doing is a start. I’ve done a free 2 days coaching course in where I was learn and use coaching techniques on someone to help them achieve their goal.  Even though I didn’t pursue the coaching course further, this course did made an impact in my life as it helped me get my first ever girlfriend so thanks coaching course lol.  Unfortunately that didn’t last for long as I got dumped by phone which wasn’t cool. It crushed me and I was down heartened but despite this I have learned things from the relationship in where I am going to put right in the next relationship.

Although I have developed, I haven’t achieved things I wanted for example have my own flat or a new job as I’ve worked pretty hard in my current role which will help get that stepping stone but that hasn’t happened. Not only it has been frustrating but also demoralising as I seen my friends having stable careers and in stable relationships. I don’t think I am the only person to do this but we compared our lives to our friends and see what they have achieved and we try to cope their lifestyle like it’s a competition. I think that’s dangerous as it could lead to being impatient, insecurity and as a result make rash decisions.

I saw this post on twitter and I think it reflects on how we should be viewing our situation.

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#life #dontcompare #bepatient

2017 has arrived and people will be making their New Year’s resolutions and say this New Year is the year for me but they say it year after year after year. But in order to make this year tremendous, you must continue to press your goals as no one is going to stop you from achieving your goals expect YOU. It’s important to stay motivated and not get influence from your peers including your family.  Although 2017 has begun you shouldn’t wait for the year to start your plans. You may feel you had a rubbish 2016, but if you did start making moves big or small last year it can work in your favour in 2017 and the end of the year you will be thinking good I’ve done something in 2016. Whatever happens, make this year a #tremendous2017 in where this year will be the best yet in where your goals and ambitions will be a reality.

B.A.S. (Blacks And Seeking)

People strive to better themselves and improve their inner self while people strive so they can fit in the crowd, be accepted and not be an outcast. Unfortunately some go to extreme measures to be included.

On April 25th 2016, Lil Kim was trending on social media. If you don’t know how Lil’ Kim is she’s a black Hip Hop Artist who had a relationship with the late Notorious B.I.G.  I checked to see why she was trending and I noticed that from her photos that she has bleached her skin in order to have a complexion of a Caucasian white woman. When I looked at the pictures I was in shocked but also in disappointment.  She looked fine how she was and she didn’t need to do this.  However if you look at this tweet below you will see that black men is apparently the cause of Lil’ Kim bleaching her skin.

Also I have seen there’s quotes from Lil’ Kim regarding her low self-esteem and how black men felt about her.

Whether her quotes are true or not, unfortunately black men do talk down to black women.  Black women are stereotype as an “Angry Black Woman” and they have an attitude. I disagree with that stereotype as all races can be angry and have an attitude and not just black women but unfortunately they are known as that and black men speak it about continuously . They also say that they are not attractive enough and so on. An issue I think that’s a big problem is the light skin/dark skin thing. I know some guys and women would rather to go out with a light skin person who’s in a mixed decent rather than dark/brown skin person. Yes it’s ok to have a preference but to discriminate our own kind is wrong.  We all have black features whether we are light skin, dark skin or brown skin. With this into consideration, this has caused division for us black people as we don’t appreciate each other.

I was on a dating website and look at a black woman profile and she mentioned she will  only consider Caucasian guys. Out of curiosity, I messaged her to find out more. I enquired on how come she’s not into black guys and she said she just not interested.  There has to been a reason so I asked more and she said some black guys have hurt in the past which is why she wants to date white guys. I said she shouldn’t generalise black guys as we are not all like that. She replies “I know they aren’t all the same but for the sake of my sanity I’m not going there again.” I was dumbfounded when she said that and now I am thinking about it as I write this I still am.  It’s not the first time I have seen a profile like this and won’t be the last but it breaks my heart when I hear these stories where a black woman’s confidence is dented by a black man.

On the other hand, I had a discussion with my close friend about black women last year and him and I feel that black women don’t want to date black guys. Maybe because we hear that some black women say that a white guy can treat them better than a black guy. I rebuke that statement.  There is no scientific evidence to proclaim that a white guy can treat a black woman better than black guys. Black men can treat black women like a queen. It’s the same for Asian guys, Mediterranean guys and Latino guys. Every race can treat someone well. So if a black woman think dating a white guy will automatically mean that he will treat me better than a black guy will you are wrong as regardless of their race us men are unfortunately pricks.

When us black folks seen white folks being portrayed in the media or in the society, you can see they are successful in their careers but also see that white privilege is on point. This has made impressions that if we act in a certain way, talk in a certain way or be with a white woman/man, it will give us the opportunities to excel in life and better treatment in society.

As I mention that Lil Kim has bleached her skin, a number of black female celebrities have done the same thing. Mica Paris stated in her Daily Mail article in where she highlighted Beyoncé in where she has lighten her skin to be in a reflection of  a Caucasian woman it imprint upon every impressionable young woman of colour the message that she is not good enough as she is, it also suggests that, despite her meteroic success, Queen Bee thinks she must alter the very fabric of her being to make herself more palatable to the masses.  And with the rise of skin bleaching products, it’s been heavily used in African, Caribbean and Asian countries in where a staggering 70% of Nigerian women admit to admit to using skin lightening products.

But Hydroquinone which is common in skin bleaching products can cause side effects in where it can cause skin cancer. This is now banned in Ghana, as well in Australia, US and Japan but it worries me that some black people are willing to this as apparently in Africa, men and especially women with lighter skin are favored over those with darker skin, leading to better opportunities and treatment in society. However, this is a dangerous game if they think this is the case.

An abstract called Race, Class and ‘The Harmony of Dispositions talks about the identity of black middle class and their comparison to white middle class. Despite being middle class, from a study black people felt they have little control and power. This may because white people who are in the same class don’t feel they should be in the same category and as a result limit their opportunity.

This has led to mention this quote. “They engage skills from their ‘cultural toolkit’ (Moore, 2008: 498) such as code-switching and changing accent (Cassandra, Training Company Director) or speaking the ‘language of whiteness’ (Jean, College Lecturer) to fit into and navigate white space. This is risky work because while they possess ‘appropriate’ capitals (education, qualifications, accent, dress) and seek to deploy them to their advantage, recognition and acceptance (by whites) that their capital carries legitimacy is not guaranteed.”

In this world, White is deemed right and Black is deemed wrong and for some black people, they may have been told that to be accepted into this white world, we would have to lose our blackness and engaged in their whiteness. But is it worth it?

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#Beyoncé #blackpanthers #blacklivesmatter #blackpower

Beyoncé was a headline act during a half time show at the Super Blow 50 this February in where she performed a song called Formation. It had a political message as she made a tribute to Black Panthers.  People praised her message while some was critical. Tomi Lahren is a TV host in where she expressed her views from a news platform called The Blaze. She made a commentary regarding Beyoncé’s performance and it received an uproar. Why? Because her views were deemed as a racist but I have a YouTube clip for you to see for yourself.

 

I don’t know if she thought of this but with lightening her skin to be in a skin of a Caucasian woman, Beyoncé may think no racist remarks from her white peeps.  Well she was wrong as despite of this they view her as a black woman and a black person are known as being lazy, aggressive, uneducated and violent. Again I rebuke that stereotype as all races can have these traits and not just black people.  But perceptions and stereotypes is something that will not go away and unfortunately the labels black people have will not disappear. It has been around for centuries as black people were forced into slavery and face discrimination and racial abuse because of the colour of our skin and still it affects us today. So really what we do in lightening our skin or changing our appearance or speak in an accent for validation, it won’t make a difference as to them we are not valuable and they don’t care even if we do change our lifestyle.  In terms of education, I am not saying that you should not get an education. You should as it will open opportunities, but what I am saying is we shouldn’t change our personality, culture for anyone as if we do our effects may not be recognised.  Also I know some white people who maybe reading this and think that I am demonising. Well I am not. I am talking about the struggles black people experience.

To conclude, black people shouldn’t be seeking approval from white people as what we do won’t make a difference. But instead of trying to impress, we should EMBRACE our culture, EMBRACE our blackness and EMBRACE our heritage. Be proud of the country you have come from whether you are from African country or from a Caribbean country.  Don’t seek things to get acceptance by others as they will take advantage. We should not be consumers and not be used as a propaganda in terms of entertainment and instead take control of our being, our kind, our race. Unfortunately, being a black person is tough as we faced prejudice and discrimination and as result we lose our identity but being a black person is great. We are smart, intellectual and attributes that any person of race would like to have and embrace.  Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Malcolm X and Muhammad Ali are examples of great black people who wanted to make a difference.  We have a wonderful culture as now the western world are embrace our culture although it’s now formed of cultural appropriation and at times some countries use it in a way from their own benefits. But the fact that our culture is being used shows something good is happening.  Most importantly we should support for one another as frankly we are not. We are divided as the media divided us based on the news regarding blacks within the society. We shouldn’t let this happen and destroy our race. We shouldn’t talk down our race, not self-hate and instead show encourage, wisdom and use our strengths to show that being a black person is a great so we can be a role model.  We should be proud of who we are and where we come from because Black Is Beautiful. I am proud to be a black person and so should you.

#charliegrowthpain #blacksandseeking

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Be A Winner

Hey guys. Thought I should share some piece in where I hope you can be motivated, never give up in your current situations and most importantly Be A Winner. So what made me inspired to write this? Well a month ago, I had an important week as I had 2 interviews and felt it could change my life for the better so had to prepare for it but things didn’t go my way. My laptop malfunctioned and the information I prepared for my interviews was on it and didn’t have a copy. I was freaking out but reassurance myself, be determined and to be successful in the job interview. I did my best but unfortunately I wasn’t successful in the job interviews. Although disappointed, I call myself a winner. Why? Because I have achieved the goals I wanted to achieve. I went to university and graduated with a degree, organised a fundraising event in where I raised over £100 and despite not being successful in my job interviews, I have a job in where I was successful. I kept thinking of goals that have achieved in my life so I won’t get dishearten and you should do the same. Yes there’s goals we would like to accomplished but we should have be happy of what you have achieved so far and with determination, hard work and presence, the goals that we really want to achieve will become a reality.

Unfortunately, when there are sets backs things instead of battling a way through, some people like to give up too easily. An example is when a person aims to be singer but keeps getting rejected in getting a record deal and as a result they give up. Yes some people may not get their dream job but you must deal with the disappointment and keep moving forward. Rejection is part of life.

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#life #obstacles
Last year, I got a job working in retail. A few days into the job, it became overwhelming as I was constantly filled with information of what my job entails. The working environment was tough and I was already severely under pressure and it wasn’t even a week. I was struggling but was determined to pull through. There were two people who were in the same interview as me in where they’ve got the job, started their jobs a week earlier than I did. However, a week later into my job, they quit after 2 weeks. I was in shocked that they have quit that soon. I wasn’t able to ask why the person resigned as I didn’t see him but was able to ask the other person and she said the culture of the organisation was too serious, the management team was discouraging and as I mention before I was severely under pressure, so was she. It was too much for them which made them leave.

It’s a shame it happened but to be blunt, not everyday things will go according to plan. They will be stressful days and at times you want to walk way but you have to find a way to overcome difficult situations. I didn’t quit my job. I kept fighting on and overcome obstacles. If your workplace has working conditions that are too severe and you have to leave then leave. However it’s important to have a positive mentality rather than a negative mentality in difficult times. You should never give up on something you work hard for.

This can also be said for relationships. In a relationship, you will have great times with your partner but also experience bad times. However we live in a world, in where some people will stick for you for the good times but are non-existent for the bad times and as a result some people take the easy option in ending the relationship. In my opinion, some people have high expectations when it comes to relationships and it’s because of what you see from films and TV programmes in where relationships are deemed as perfect. Also the rise of social media makes some relationships dysfunctional as instead of communication face to face, thoughts and feelings are now expressed through messages etc. Every relationship is not perfect as each person has their faults and failures and if you ending a relationship for a lousy excuse, then you are a fool who didn’t value the relationship.

In order to have a successful relationship, you must support your partner in the good times and especially the bad times. If you continue to avoid your problems instead of sorting them out, you won’t grow as a person. If you feel the relationship is worth saving for and you are determined to make it work, then seeking a counsellor may be an option. This can resolve your differences, having a better understanding between yourself and your partner and most importantly have better communication. If it doesn’t resolve your differences and as a result you and your partner have broken up but it has helped you in future relationships then its better in improving yourself as a person than having nothing at all.

My motto is: Don’t be a quitter. Be a winner. Fight for what you want in your life. Quitters are for losers.

It may take weeks, months or even years for you to achieve your goals but with determination and dedication, eventually you will get there. Yes it’s difficult to be positive all the time but positive thinking = positive minds = positive goals. Eventually someone will say to you that you are successful in your job application. Eventually after rejection after rejection, a bank will lend you a loan so you start your business. Eventually someone will be happy to be your girlfriend/boyfriend as there’s someone out there for everyone. EVENTUALLY IT WILL HAPPEN. You have to believe that your hopes and desire will happen.

There are some people who give up on their dreams as they are influenced by their friends or what they see from the society for example there’s limited opportunities for BME to succeed. Although it may be the case, it shouldn’t stop you succeeding. Don’t limit yourself from what you see from the media that makes you have some doubts. Surround yourself with good people, keep pressing towards your goals and most importantly Be A Winner. Hopefully this will inspire you but if not below is an inspirational speech from the movie Rocky Balboa starting Sylvester Stallone. It’s very moving.

 

Balboa quotes
#inspirational #motivation #speech #rocky #rockybalboa #movies

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2015: The Year You Make It Count

Hello guys and happy new year.

New Year = New Beginnings and for that New Year’s Resolutions. Unfortunately, people don’t stick it to it. We say I am going to this and that in that year and the year before but it doesn’t happen. That’s why below you get this comment.

#goals goalsthatwedidntaccomplish #reality
#goals #goalsthatwedidntaccomplish
#reality

But by not sticking to your new year’s resolutions, doesn’t mean that you should stop pressing your goals and ambitions. I see as the new year begins, it’s time to look back in the previous year and reflect on things that you have achieve, what made you smile, what made you feel sad, things in where you have made mistakes and also look back on things that you want to achieve but not yet fulfil that target. That’s what each new year brings. It gives you the opportunity to challenge yourself and fulfil your goals and ambitions. Write down your hopes and dreams from a notepad and try making it happen. Whatever your goals may be, this year is the year you for to start progressing. And with that you need the desire, the determination and the motivation to succeed.

I believe an important step for to reach your goals is to surround yourself with good people who are ambitious, who know what they want in life like yourself, who can encourage you and who are full of positivity. Sometimes you need that extra push for you to get through the hurdle. However, if you feel you not getting that from people who dampen your spirits, then I think you need to cut all ties with them. Sometimes when people are being negative and apprehensive towards you, you feel like whether you done something wrong to them and it make you feel like crap. But then you realise it’s them that has the problem and not you. I realise sometimes people are constantly being negative towards you as they are insecure about themselves. I feel something has happened in their life which is why they are the person they are now or they are worried that your life is going somewhere and theirs are not. So don’t allow them to interfere in your plans and make them feel bad about yourself. In order to grow, you need to let go of bad rubbish. That’s what I am going to do and so should you.

I am excited of the year of 2015. I have many goals I want to achieve this year. I won’t reveal all but my goals of 2015 is to expand my blogging page, get more views and of course write more blogs, improve my Spanish so I can be more fluent, go on a few holidays to explore different cultures and relax of course and something I’ve been wanting for years which is to have a girlfriend which will hopefully become my wife in the next few years.

Will my plans become a reality this year? I really hope so but if it doesn’t happen, then it wasn’t meant to be as from a Christian perspective, I believe the Lord Jesus Christ may have plans for me that may be even better than the plans I have right now. From Jeremiah 29:11 it says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I feel this verse is a encourage verse for Christians alike who may feel dishearten in why their plans is not succeeding. He has plans for all of you so all you got to do is trust in him.

Hopefully I will post a blog at the end of the year to see whether I have fulfilled my goals. But for everyone who have goals this year… only you and not the influence of others can achieve your goals. Believe in yourself, press towards your goals and make it count. Good luck in the year and make it the best yet.

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Don’t Discriminate Mental Health

Intro

Hey guys, it’s been a while since I have a written a blog and was thinking what should I write next and then in August, I hear the saddened news that Robin Williams who embrace my childhood has died and what makes it more sad that the cause of death was suicide which relates to depression and I feel I should talk about this as it’s an important subject matter that needs to be addressed.

Stigma And Mental Illness is Not A Good Combination

Every day in our lives we have days that are up and downs. It’s natural in where you feel miserable and when it arises, we seek help from our friends and family and they are willing to help. But when the problem is a mental illness issue, they are unwilling to help. People are dismissive about this issue. Why? Because they feel it’s not an important issue. Some people will think it’s part of life and after a few days/weeks they will get over it. But what I believe is the main reason is that people don’t have an understanding of mental illness. Maybe for depression it’s not physical so you can’t see that the person is suffering. However people are ignorant on this. Instead we say to a person who is suffering from depression to “Pull yourself together and take a walk and you will be fine.” and that’s how to help a person who’s depressed. That’s incorrect. Instead of encouraging and supporting the person, the person will become more isolated, disheartened and with that the illness may worsen.

To me it’s a major disappointment that there hasn’t been enough investment for mental health research. According to Research Mental Health, Mental illness causes 15 per cent of the country’s disease burden but receives just 5 per cent of total health research spending. Although £74m is spent on researching mental health the money mostly goes to government agencies. For cancer, received 27% of research funding and you can tell there’s more awareness as you see campaigns and advertisements enlighten the issue. But for mental health you don’t see a lot. Cancer and mental health should be given equal treatment as they both have an impact on a person’s life.

If there’s more awareness and research put into place for mental health, then people will have an understanding in how serious the issue is, be able to help the people in need and reduce prejudice and stigma. Since the death of Robin Williams, I have seen people reactions from social media regarding this and I am outraged. I hear people say they have no sympathy for a person who committing suicide, it’s a selfish act and why take your own life in where you have years ahead of you. Depression affects people in every age.

A person who has depression will feel worthlessness, have low self-esteem and not enjoying things they find pleasurable. Robin Williams unfortunately was in a vulnerable way because of the issues he had and felt suicide it’s the only option as he felt rejected. It gets me angry when a person criticises someone who has depression. It’s not their fault to feel this way. And as I mentioned before there’s a lack of understanding of the issue. It’s a serious illness yet people regard this as minor issue.

Depression Is A Dangerous Illness But It Can Be Beatable

You may be thinking why this subject matter is important to me and why I get a bit sensitive on this? Because unfortunately, I suffered from depression a few years back. I don’t want to go into too much detail but when I had it, I was in a dark lonely place. I felt unworthy, isolated and I cried out for help as I seek comfort from others. It was a battle for me and I was thinking whether this is ever going to end but by the grace of God and with the help from my friends, I eventually got through it. In a way, it’s good this has happened to me as it has changed my perspective in my life. I am not saying it’s good to have depression far from it as it’s one of the worst experiences you will ever have. What I am saying is that it has made me a stronger person but most importantly to be happy and to be positive around others. In order to have a better health, being around with others is a step in escaping depression as you feel that you are valued when people spend time with you. It certainly helped me and for people who have this illness, it is beatable and with time and care from others you can get it through it. Don’t lose hope. That’s why since I overcome this, I want to be someone’s motivator, encourager and be inspiring to others. I want to display a positive outlook and I believe depression has made me to feel this way. Why be sad when you can happy? Of course you can’t be happy all the time but whenever I have difficult situations, I mostly make an attempt to remain happy.

Statistics and Attitudes Towards Mental Health

#standupandtalk #mentalhealth #illness #awareness
#standupandtalk #mentalhealth #illness #awareness

As this is a sensitive issue, people may find this uncomfortable so instead of talking about it, they reject the issue. Well it needs to be addressed so people can understand that having mental health illness such as post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder and of course depression are serious illness. And because I want to raise awareness, I’m going to mention some facts and statistics. 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem in their lifetime in where depression is the most common health problem and with a population of over 60 million people, that’s an estimate of around 15 million people. According to sources from Young Minds nearly 800,000 children and young people have suffered from severe depression. With depression, people will also experience anxiety and it can make the illness worse.

Surveys conducted that are founded by Mental Health Foundation that Women and younger people are more likely to say that anxiety has impacted on their lives. Also women and young adults who are aged 20–29 are the most likely to seek help for anxiety from their GP. The causes of having an illness such as depression and anxiety is relationship breakdowns, overthinking and life events that have trigger their lives such as bereavement. Unemployment is an example in where people who are unemployed have significantly higher anxiety levels than those in employment. With that, you get a strong feeling of guilt, worthlessness, lack of concentration, uninterested of life and suicidal thoughts. That the symptoms of someone who’s depressed.

However as I mention at the beginning that mental health issues are stigmatised. If a person tells someone they are depressed, people may ridicule it and laugh it off. That’s why people are suffering in silence as they afraid to speak up and if they do they’re stereotyped. A survey questionnaire was conducted by the NHS in 2011 in where 1,741 adults took part gave their attitudes to mental illness and 21% of them agree that ‘Anyone with a history of mental problems should be excluded from taking public office’ and ‘As soon as a person shows signs of mental disturbance, he should be hospitalized’ In the media, there’s a myth that people with mental health problems are aggressive, violent and crazy and as the media can be so influential, people will believe it.

However, statistics will prove otherwise. From a report from Mind called. At risk yet dismissed, People with SMI were five times more likely to be a victim of assault, and three times more likely to be a victim of assault. They are targeted as the perpetrator knows the victim has mental health problems and as a result they exploited them. And finally when a person who has a mental illness and has been a victim, when it’s reported to the police, instead of supporting them, they neglected them and one who participated in this research says “They assume I’m violent. They see their job as protecting the public from schizophrenics, they do not see their job as protecting schizophrenics from the public.” It was unpleasant when reading these findings as it shows the difficulties people with mental health have faced. However it’s good that these findings were conducted so people like me can view it and share to the readers of this blog.

Instead Of Dismissing The Illness, Aware The Illness

#supportmentalhealth #endstigma
#supportmentalhealth #endstigma

To conclude, mental health is an issue that should be more publicise but instead it’s been dismissed. It’s deemed not important despite being a health problem and as a result, people have no understanding of it and a person who has a mental illness will get criticise for talking about it.

A quote from the late Robin Williams says “No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” He’s correct. Words are a very important aspect for a human being. The words we say can be influential, make someone fall in love with us or for someone to dislike us. So instead of using words that are discouraging, use encouraging words as it would be help a person who’s has a mental health condition. It will make the person feel they are worthy and feel that their life is something that is cherished as they’re in a vulnerable state. Also it’s important to keep regular contact with that person as it make them feel better and it will show that you care. And when you contact that person, communication is the key. All the person wants is for someone to listen, understand, not prejudice and show them love as love is the most important thing a person can gave. It’s pretty straightforward yet people don’t know what to do when this situation arises.

That’s why I believe the government should invest more of mental health research so doctors, counsellors etc. can have an understanding of it. Also they should be training courses for the public so they can learn more about it and use it to help someone they know who’s batting with this condition. Depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder are mental illnesses and should have the same treatment as people who have cancer as they could die from this. Unfortunately you get the press write detail information in how a person committed suicide due to mental illness just to sell papers despite receiving guidelines prior from organisation called Samaritans that it could be copied to someone who’s has similar circumstances. The press did it to Robin Williams and it was unacceptable.

#robinwilliams #press #unnecessary
#robinwilliams #press #unnecessary
#robinwilliams #press #wrong
#robinwilliams #press #wrong

Although it’s improving slightly, the stigma of mental illness remains and it’s going to take a while for it to decrease.

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-statistics/

http://www.samaritans.org/news/media-briefing-death-robin-williams

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This was updated on 11/06/2015

Honesty is the best policy or is it?

Intro

There’s a saying that honesty is the best policy and for people including myself I would agree on that but is it really the best policy? Why do I have some doubts in this saying? Well although it’s good to be honest and to speak your mind, it can lead you into trouble. It can make you lose your job, relationships to break down, get into trouble from the law and so on.

Social Media

As social media has been increasing for the past few years and it has become part of our lives in where people like me would like to tweet, share pictures on Instagram, post videos and write posts on Facebook. Social media has been great as you can interact with new people and reconnect with old people and use the features I have mentioned, however social network websites can damage relationships. Why because of what people have put up. Social media tends us to be more expressive and blunt of how we are feeling without thinking that we’re exposing ourselves. I have seen people post up information that is unnecessary, distasteful and sometimes racist.

For example, I constantly see people talking about their relationships with their partner and how they love him/her but also criticising their partner when problems occurs. They will say I can say what I want when I want and they are obliged to do as we have freedom of speech. But if you want your private life to be private, keep it low key instead of talking about your lives publicly as people will interfere in your business which will lead to friction.

Saying stuff you thought it’s harmless but others think differently wouldn’t go down well too. Although people may think to themselves “It’s no harm done. People are not going to be bothered of what I’ve put up.” But then hours later you hear people commenting on your post in where you put for example that girls should be slaves to men and people are negative towards it and then days later in public, people are gossiping towards you, you will start to regret it of what you have said. Even though you deleted your post, the damage is done and the perception of you from people will change and your reputation is in ruins. Unfortunately, I have written a post which wasn’t well received and it didn’t help my cause. It has made me aware of what information I should and shouldn’t put up.

That’s why sometimes you should just keep your mouth shut and stay silent as there will be some people out there who would use your words against you. Don’t say all of your personal stuff to your friends as the people you thought you can trust is sometimes the ones who are publicly telling your business.

Lying Is Risky

So you will be thinking if being honest gets me into trouble then I should do the opposite and lie? Yes and no. Yes you should lie in order to protect yourself and the people you care about for example if someone trying to hurt you and your family, someone is trying to mislead you or if someone is trying to take advantage of your goodwill. But don’t lie in where you told people that you have cancer, you didn’t steal any money or cheated on someone in where it has proven to be false.

It all depends on the situation in terms of what you should and shouldn’t lie about but whatever the situation, lying to someone will make you lose that trust with that person. They will feel distant and question your friendship/relationship with them. On the other hand, I hear people say if they don’t know the truth, then they will not get hurt. That could be right but how are you going to prevent the person from finding out? By lying. The truth will come out eventually. Secrets and lies are dangerous as they do get out of hand. Instead of your pride, tell the truth. The person may not be happy at first but as you told the truth, forgiveness may come into place.

Hearing The Truth Can Be Useful

Sometimes people are afraid to hear the truth from people as they can’t handle it but the truth is needed. It can help you know your faults, overcome them and make you a better person. If you made mistakes and you don’t know why yet people know and they don’t tell you, then you won’t know why people have rejected you. Some people don’t want to tell you so you can fail but receiving constrictive criticism from others can motivate you and help you grow to be the best you can be. In addition, you could inspire others when being honest about yourself regarding to your personal experience which could make them believe in themselves to be successful.

Honesty Is A Win Lose Situation

Honesty

With this taken into account, the reality is that you can give some respect from people by being honest but you can also lose some respect from people by being honest. To summarise, honesty being the best policy is a win-lose situation. Some people are honest in order to guide others and to display a good nature whereas some people are honest in order to be spiteful and boost their ego. We live in selfish society in where people want to be outspoken just to get attention. I see people from social media to television in where have said stuff that are shocking but because they have received an amount of attention, they find this appealing so they continued to be controversial. It’s a shame that they do this just to help their self-esteem.

In my view, being honest has its benefits. It can you give inner peace and save you from guilt. You will become trustworthy, reliable and sustain close relationships from others. You will have control in your life when you are true to yourself. Also it takes guts to be honest depending on the situation as sometimes people like to keep their views to themselves in where it’s hurting them inside. However, don’t be too honest in where you have a point of view on things as may lead you into trouble. With more people using social media websites, people are becoming more exposed based on what they say. If you have an opinion in where you feel you need to be open about, then you are entitled to do so. I would do the same after all I can be a very honest person at times. Although you have to consider others and not your ego. You have to think carefully if your opinion is going to hurt others and whether is necessary. Your words and actions will define what people will think of you in a good way or a bad way and people will make a perception of you whether you have meet them or not.

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