The word “Sex” is forbidden in the church

In 2015, I was in Nigeria during Christmas time and I had thoughts in writing a Christian blog and had plans to start writing one when I arrive back at the UK but it didn’t materialise. Almost 5 years later it is finally happening. This blog is one of hopefully a series of blogs regarding Christian life and the church so let’s get to it. What I am going to discuss is what the church are uncomfortable in talking about which is sex. It’s a topic that gives the church chills. It’s a taboo subject that’s hardly discussed, that should be ONLY be discussed within marriage and when it is brought up what you just hear from the church is “no sex before marriage.”

What does the scriptures says on sex?  From 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) it states “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” 1 Corinthians 7:1-3 (NIV) says “Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband, the husband should fulfil his martial duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband and finally from Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) “Marriage should be honoured by all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

So clearly from the bible sex should be done within marriage in where doing this will be a commitment to God and this is likely what we hear at church.  We also hear that if someone has sex outside marriage than sexually transmitted diseases, sex addictions, unwanted pregnancies will occur so it’s important to remain purity before getting married. That’s the message from the church. However I do feel the message about sex in the church is negative. The talk is that sex is a sin so don’t do it and it can have a negative impact in particularly the younger generation in where it can put people off in having sex.  I know for me personally, when I was a teenage/young adult when hearing the message it made feel anxious so I prayed to God asking that I don’t have sex at all or even have sexual desires as I was scared of the prospect of having sex. Looking back at now, I laugh but also saying to myself why the heck was I thinking like this?! I will never forget when I was on social media that I saw a post years ago in where a woman wrote a blog or some sort in when she waited to have sex until she was married but after having sex she said she felt dirty and ashamed. I was like wow. I also hear Christian couples who are married but having problems because of sex and it’s all because of the lack of transparency from the church regarding sex.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NIV) it says “Now to the unmarried and for the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with this passion. “ That passage is interesting as it saying you should get married if you can’t control yourself but getting married is a big step and some people may not be ready to get married so what will be the answer of this? It’s something that needs to be discussed more.

The church believes that only people who are married can only have sexual desires. That’s a myth. Single people can have sexual desires too and there’s nothing wrong with that. However if you tell a fellow Christian that you have sexual desires, you have sinned in where you had sex outside marriage or looked at pornography, then there will be condemnation and shame. I do feel in situations like this women are more in scrutiny compared to men as they have been told they should save themselves for marriage and this why Christians unfortunately can be judgemental but I feel it’s a way to make themselves feel better as it will detract them of not being the only person who has sinned. The church is so emphasis on marriage so everything must be done in marriage including sex so when Christians who are not married have sexual thoughts it’s a shock factor hence some Christians are reluctant to open up on their struggles as they’re scared of being judged. This why I feel church needs to do better. The church overall needs an overhaul but that’s for another discussion. I wished that the church talked about sex regularly but in a way is positive for example an open frank discussion, workshops on pleasing your spouse etc. in a way it’s in the right context like this video below.

However, I won’t lie but when sex is being discussed at times I find it cringe hence when I speak to someone about sex, I am not explicit and instead be subtle. I shouldn’t be and the Christian community shouldn’t be uncomfortable on this topic. Sex is around us in this society. Everyone in this world was created because of sex. Sex is a good thing as Proverbs 5:19 (NIV) say:  “A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”  Sex shouldn’t be discussed on a year basis like it’s an appraisal. More is needed for the younger and upcoming generation for a better understanding. Sex is a good thing so churches don’t condemn it and stop making it a taboo subject otherwise more and more people will be looking for answers elsewhere.

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