R.I.C.E. (Relationships Is Challenging Emotionally)

“There’s power in love. There’s power in love to help and heal when nothing else will. There’s power in love to lift up and liberate when nothing else will. There’s power in love to show us to way to live.” This is some of the words from Bishop Michael Curry in where he delivered an inspired sermon at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle wedding last month.

Love is a powerful thing. It brings two people together in a relationship where they cherish one another in where sacrifices for love are made. Interestingly I have written a piece about this before but this was at university so this is actually a sequel.

Relationships can be a whirlwind. One day you want to be in a relationship and be with a partner but one day you think why should I be in a relationship? It’s long and besides I want to enjoy life. Well whatever you think of relationships is something that’s special and exciting. You have weeks of honeymoon with your partner but after it ends, the relationships becomes serious.

Relationships is challenging emotionally and its something you need to be prepared for as not only you are thinking of yourself but thinking of your partner and it’s important to have the right mind set as being in a relationship as its hard work. You will have to comprise with your partner and put time and effort otherwise it causes problems. I know people who have been in relationships hoped that their previous relationships could have last longer but made mistakes in where their partner ended the relationship. I am one of those people in where you feel I could have done more but you know mistakes will help you grow to a better person.

And you being a better person it could help you attract a potential partner as they are drawn to you as they see you polished. If you are attractive to them that’s great but have to be wary as you don’t want to waste your time with the wrong person. Making time and effort with someone in where you are getting to know their likes/dislikes and their aspirations are time consuming and it’s key that you and your potential partner are in the same path. So if you want to make sure you are in the right path ask these questions below:

  1. Do you see yourself in getting married and having kids?
  2. What do you look for in a potential partner?
  3. Do you have a desire to be in a relationship?
  4. What are you are aspirations?

This could be big questions but it’s important to ask and ask early so you can know your ground and if that person is genuine then great. However it’s hard to know whether a person you are dating is genuine or not. They may say all these things to keep you on guard and use you to get something out of you and when they have got it they gone awol. This can be the same for someone who wants to be your friend. A person may not like you but wants to be your friend but use you for their own benefits.

The dating world is tough in where you hoped to be with someone but after dating them for a while they decided they don’t want to progress further in where they giving you hint something could happen but you later found out them just waiting for something better to come along. My dating experiences so far have been full of disappointments and frankly it’s hard to take as the situation keeps reoccurring. I remember at the start of the year I went on a date with a girl. Was a good date and we seems to vibe well. I said I wouldn’t kiss on a first date but the date was so good why not. You think second date is defo on the calls yeah? Days later she didn’t want to see me no more as there was no chemistry. I was baffled. When you date someone in where you like them but they don’t like in that way it’s sad but you can’t expect anyone to like you so you have to keep moving. However when you date a person in where on occasions you put an considerable time and effort for that person in where you hoped to be in a relationship but you have been knocked back, pride can be bruised.

You get rejected and you feel you are not just good enough not for that person but for any person. I feel like this is I’ve been rejected by women and although rejection is part of life when this is a repeat process your confidence and pride is low. Sometimes I feel I just want to retire in dating and not stop pursing women. I told my friends this and they laugh. You will laugh too but this is what I feel because it’s mentally and emotionally draining getting to know someone new and when nothing comes to it, you have to repeat the same process and it’s tiring.

I guess when it comes to dating I am loyal but it could be a flaw as that person I am dating could take advantage of it. You invested a lot and when nothing happens, feelings are hurt. On the other hand, it can be frustrating as with dating you will encounter with time wasters and boy I’ve encounter with many. You think that person you are seeing want to be in a relationship but when it comes to the crunch it isn’t the case. This is why I think you shouldn’t be too invested in that person until you actually in a relationship with that person. You may act and think you are a couple as you do couple things but if you are not official with that person, all of this you are doing is irrelevant and you could be in a situationship. Yes it can hard not wanting to give your all with that person as you really like them but it’s good to guard your heart.

People don’t want to get into a relationship because they want to guard their heart as they don’t want to get hurt and showing your vulnerability to someone. This is normal to feel like this as past experiences can be you feel uneasy and resentful. I get it but don’t let the past damage your future. Don’t let it hinder you to take a chance with someone who feels a connection with. Take a chance. You will never know if you don’t try.

A well-known quote “Some people don’t know what they have until it’s gone.” Don’t be one of those people who may regret their decision weeks, months down the line. But if you do change your mind, don’t be surprised if they don’t want to contact you no more. People are afraid to get hurt but sorry you will get hurt as relationships will have ups and down. This tweet below talks about relationships:

Although I mentioned you shouldn’t let your past hinder your future if you feel you still feel you can’t be in a relationship because you feel you are not ready because of your anxieties, bitterness or something in the past that has triggered you to show anger than it’s best to step back and fix your issues. If you in the relationship and your problems are still there you could have an impact on your partner and he/she could be damaged as well.

Self-love is paramount to any relationship you have with your friends, partner, colleagues, family etc. If you don’t have it, people will see that and they will take advantage. When you have self-love you will feel stronger, happier and wise to make the right decisions in your life. For a relationship it’s important to have the right state of mind to be in a relationship. Be in a relationship because you want to be and not because you have to be. You see your friends being in a relationship and you think to yourself I got to be in so I don’t feel left out. That’s peer pressure. You see people in a relationship or married but act single. If you want to enjoy life, build yourself then be single. It’s the best way.

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#relationships

Relationships is challenging emotionally and hard work but if 2 people are really into each other they will do whatever it takes to make it work. The key to a successful relationship is communication, honestly and also take things slowly. However some people are not honest and instead led on you and play games. They say they don’t want to be in a relationship but frankly it’s more like I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. You can tell in where they give you excuses in why they can’t meet or ignore your calls/whatsapp messages. If they value you, they will make an effort to see you otherwise you are not a priority. They didn’t like you enough, feelings will get hurt and you feel rejected and this is how I am feeling. It is normal to feel disappointed yes but why this has hit the nerve? I guess for me is when I was at high school, I got bullied constantly in where people called me a egghead, ugly and no one didn’t want to be around me and when I get rejected whether it’s relationships, friendships, jobs etc., it reminds me of this. I won’t lie as a Christian it has tested my faith and began to question God. Although rejection is hard, pain is hard but it can be healer and make you grow and I guess that’s why I am writing this blog to express my feelings.

My mum said this to me and I will tell my future kids, “A person who is persistent will achieve success. “ So this wanting to retire, give up and not finding a partner is silly. So this phrase I am feeling I should not let this break me. Never give up on something that means a lot to you. Besides I am not even reached 30 yet. So I’ll continue to press for my life goals, don’t lose hope but also enjoy life.

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